I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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