you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
