im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
