Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
