did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
