I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
