i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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