Are we in a gay sports bar?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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