batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
