I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
