if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize