I smell stomach acid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
