Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
