I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
