btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
