This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
