I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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