Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
