I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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