Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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