im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
