AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
handjob tips. give me some.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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