I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
