The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
