be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
