Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
