I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
