he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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