this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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