I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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