My nipple is on Facebook.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
