did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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