Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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