party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
