If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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