i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
