I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
