so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found a bag of teeth...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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