Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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