No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
