ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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