She's JV to your varsity
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
