Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
