Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i'm inner monologue high
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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