She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
