i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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