Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
