dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is classic penis vs brain.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
