it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
