Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize