all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
