My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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