this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
