If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
