got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
