Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize