We're facebook friends in real life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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