If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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