apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
