Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
