I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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