he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
