Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
