swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
