That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
