She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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