I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
