Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
