Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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