Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
