Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
